There's this, and then, on the other hand...

Last night brought in another grand Connecticut storm.  Maybe this storm was not any more impressive than those we have experienced over the years in Chepachet, or Riverside, but hearing them through the thin fiberglass walls of a camper is a very different experience. And, too, it is most likely not the first time we have encountered strong winds and hard rain in an RV. We are not virgin campers.   We've been doing this for years.  But, when the RV turns from vacation vessel to permanent home, it has a different vibe.

So, it was yet another sleepless night.  The sounds of the 35mph wind ripping through the slide awnings was not only deafening, but stomach churning.  The thought of those expensive pieces of vinyl being whisked away into the hills was not pleasant.  The only real casualties, if one might call them that, were our adirondack chairs situated around our, as yet unused, fire-pit.  They tumbled to and fro, but, luckily, not into our Navy-man neighbor's camper.

After a fit-full night, we decided to take a trek to the Crystal Mall and do some Christmas shopping.  Fairly empty, and amidst a whole-mall-redo, it was less than I remembered. The last time I had been to the Crystal Mall was well before Emerald and Providence Place Malls were built.  It seemed so grand to me.  Not so much today.  But, we achieved at least part of our shopping goal, had lunch, then headed back to the campground to bake a chicken on our monster grill.

The evening was spent with the kids having a chance to play some Wii, and Steve and I watching Ken Burns The West DVD series.  Living in East Lyme, as quaint and pretty a town as it is, has been less than exciting when it come to television viewing.  We have about 5 channels, all of which play some decent shows, and others which are less than satisfying.  Last night was a special treat.  The local PBS played the 25th Anniversary Concert of Les Miserables.   It was wonderful.  One of my favorite musicals, and if you have not yet seen it, do so.

I have no desire to add cable or satellite TV to our repertoire.  Not that I have cracked a book yet, but, it is what I desire.  I have a cabinet full of novels waiting for me, and a wonderful town library holding more.  So far, that pleasure has escaped me.  Between the unpacking project, teaching, and working, I have not the time to reach for one of the many books I want to read.

But here's the cool thing.  I have the time.  I can do it next month.  Or in two months.   I can spend a month reading Shakespeare or Michael Crichton or Nietschze.  It hasn't quite sunk in yet that I don't have to rush to do these things.  That it isn't a vacation.  I don't have to make a decision between three books because I only have time for 2.  I can read whatever I want, whenever I want.

But, with the realization that this lifestyle is just that, a new style of living, comes a major load of responsibility.  There are no familiar crutches on which to lean to be sure that things get done; that the kids have what they need; that future plans and securities are made. It is all open and free and new and unplanned and untethered.  Nothing holds anything in place except our will and drive and determination and fortitude and utmost focus on what needs to be done, as well as what can be done, what is possible, what is dreamt.

I am not sure what gives me more pause;  the responsibilities of the old life that need to be continued, or the unknown of the new life that must be allowed.